I'll show you
by Spokenvoice
Summary: CathSara Darkness part 4 THe team lose a member but she loses her heart
1. I'll Show You

**I'll show you**

**Pairing: **Sara/Catherine** (slash) **don't like don't read  
**Rating:** PG 13  
**Spoilers:** None  
**P.O.V:** Sara's 

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"Guess who?"

Her hands were pressed over my eyes as she whispered seductively in my ear – I knew just who it was, there was only one woman who could cause my heart to pound into my chest like that, who could make the hair on the back of my neck stand up – only one woman who could make me want her with doing very little. I wasn't going to give it to her that easy though, with a smirk I began to guess – "Jenny the hot Air steward from the Frisco conference?" I asked. I couldn't help it; I knew just what to say to get her angry. She pulled her hands away from me and stepped back. I swung around in the lab chair I was sat at with a smile.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight" She spat at me, with so much aggression.

"Wow, wait up baby…" I jumped up from the chair and caught her hand before she left pulling her back into me holding her body close to mine. She doesn't seem happy, not at all. "Girl you know you were my next bet…after Sue"

This time I get a slug to the arm, and sure – she's smaller than me but this blond has a punch. I laugh, and pull her close – my hands pushing into the back pockets of her jeans. "Sar…you're not even getting in the house at this rate" She growls.

"Come on" I smirk, leaning forward to meet her lips, she pulls back though, "Baby, I'm cute – you know that…you love this right?" I ask.

She rolls her eyes; I know that she can't resist that pout. She lets me kiss her, long and passionate – and that's all she needs because when she pulls back the sparkle in her eye tells me she knows the only woman I'm ever thinking about it her.

"Forgive me?" I ask her.

"Depends" now it's her turn to hold the smirk, "are you going to pull a double?"

I shrug my shoulders, "depends, have I got a better option?"

"How about nice warm bath and then the house to ourselves" She leans forward, and whispers into my ear "Lindsey's at her friends for a sleep over…"

"Mm" I mumble, whispering back, "Maybe I should call Jenny to join us, she left me her number remember?" I tease.

Catherine pushes me back, "Yeah I remember – and I find out you kept that number you and me are over" she shoots.

"Kept it? I memorized it" I can't help but laugh. I remember the plane ride to that conference it had caused more than enough tension and a hell of an argument between my self and Catherine. Jenny, the Air steward had been hitting on me since we left Vegas – and it had finally been too much for the older CSI, who I had been dating for around two months at that time, when Jenny had brought me over the Scotch on the rocks with a napkin. On that napkin, her name and number, she'd left with a wink. And it was from their the arguments started –

_I'd been watching her; I was flirting with her_ – apparently every time she passed. Cath seemed to forget however that I was after someone to give me pain killers for the head ach that had been forming. I had worked a double before the flight – she forgot all about it though. To her it was just me, me trying to get the attention of the, to quote Catherine, _little slut_.

"That's it, you better make sure one of the guys is able to offer you a place to crash – you're not coming home with me" Catherine growled.

"Oh is that right?" I smirk, stepping forward I reassure her with a passionate kiss, "I threw the number out right after you slapped me…remember?" I speak huskily, once I'd pulled back.

"You deserved it…your eyes were all over that woman" Catherine recalled.

"I needed a drink" I defended, "I was trying to get some service"

"Yeah right" Catherine shot.

I ran my hand down to her waist, and am about to show her that she's the only one when she asks "Promise me you've never even thought about her?"

"Promise! You're the only woman I think about. The only woman I want." I pull her backwards and lean across the desk to shut the folder and take it in my hand – "come on lets go home and I'll show you you're the only one"

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_**Thanks for reading. hope you liked. **  
Just a little fluff that popped into my head - i'm think of making this into a collection of shorts from Cath/Sara relationships. Maybe.__**  
Please let me know what you think.**  
_


	2. One of those times

**One of those times**

**Pairing: **Sara/Catherine** (slash) **don't like don't read  
**Rating:** PG 13  
**Spoilers:** Committed**  
P.O.V:** Sara's

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"Baby – are you okay? What happened tonight?" 

I turned my head and looked up to where she was stood in the door way, you're blond hair falling softly to your shoulders – the loving concern from your eyes. You have spoken to Grissom – or more like he came and found you to tell you to go hold your girl is that it? Did he tell you that I need you? _I could have been killed _– is that what you want to hear? Of course not because you worry enough as it is. "I'm fine" I tell you.

I remember, the moment her pushed that blade into my neck – the only person that I could think about was you. The only person I wanted to be with was you. Now though, I feel weak, like I failed you. I'd always promised that there was nothing to worry about; nothing would happen to me and promised that I'd always be here for you. I don't think anyone will ever realize just how close I came to losing you today, to losing everything.

"You don't look it" is that fear I hear in your voice. I shrug my shoulders and stand up, walking over to my locker I pull open the door.

"You know how to make a girl feel good" I mumble, feeling that you need some of my overly used sarcasm. To let you know you haven't fully lost me into the pain of what tonight brought.

You know when I'm trying to get away, you always know. I hear you walking through the locker room until you're behind me. "You look like shit" you tell me. I have to smile, and slowly I turn – I'm facing you.

"What did he tell you?" I ask, needing to know what Grissom had said.

"That you were in here, and that I might want to make sure you're okay. What happened at the scene?" You ask.

"I fucked up" I smirk, a sad smile even I know that, "what's new?" I ask

"I'm worried about you" You tell me after a short silence, you don't like the way I'm avoiding your concern – is that it? Would you rather I folded up into your arms and cried. I can't, I'm sorry.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"I'm not sure – are you? Are you here with me?" You ask, "You seem like your off in you head somewhere"

_Yeah my safe place, the one where I don't have to deal with all this shit - _I think.

"I'm right here" I tell you instead.

It's in this moment you decided to test me; you want to know I'm with you – so you lean forward and you press your lips softly against mine. I don't respond, I feel your tongue gently glide across my lower lip I realize that you want more than I'm giving you. You want more than I can give. I don't respond. I'm not here with you at all am I? You get the picture – you pull back slowly and look into my eyes – I'm no where near _here_.

"What's happened?" you ask again.

I don't respond this time, I'm just looking into your blue eyes, filled with so much concern. Moving your hand from where it was on my waist you brought it up to my neck and slowly pusher the hair from my face and behind my ear. It is here, at this point, that you see the red mark that runs across my neck where the ceramic weapon had been held to my throat – the look on your face changes. You're angry yet still sensitive and loving. "I fucked up" I tell you with a shrug.

You run your finger softly over my wound and then lock eyes with me again – "Who did this?"

"Doesn't matter" I tell you as I pull away and walk around the locker room so I'm on the other side of the bench – it's putting some distance between us. I turn to face you –

"It does to me" You shout.

"You want to know then read the case file – ask Grissom, I just don't want to talk about this" I tell you. I can't talk about this. My voice holds the pain, the failure. I turn and walk away.

"Where are you going?" You shout. I don't know what has you more angry, that I'm walking out of her away from you – or that I let someone do this.

"Need to be alone"

I need to break down, I need to crumble. I need space –

You know what, to be honest I have no idea what I need, I just know that I need to get away from here. To get away from this job, this life of mine – I need to get out of this place – and you know why? Because I'm scared, for the first time I'm really scared.

"Sara"

I shake my head, and leave you, standing in the Locker room.

You'll understand, at some point. May not be today, or tomorrow or in three years – but some day you'll understand – some things I just need to do by myself. And this, it's one of them.

This is one of the many times in our relationship that I walk out on you, while all you want to do is hold me. It's just how it is. I can't change that…

Just know-

I'll always come back.

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_**Once again thankyou so much. For reading, and for reviewing the last chap. it means alot :)**_


	3. How Far

**  
How Far**

**Pairing: **Sara/Catherine** (slash) **don't like don't read  
**Rating:** PG 13  
**Spoilers:** none  
**P.O.V:** Sara's

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I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving; go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far  
_(How far- Martina McBride)_

"Damn it…what the hell did he do to you?"

I stopped, knowing instantly who it was stood behind me – I looked up at the reflection in the mirror and locked eyes with Catherine Willows, hell, I should have known she'd find out. She didn't waist anytime, she took hold of my arm and turned me so I was now facing her – I lent back on the sink and moved my eyes from hers to our feet. We were stood toe to toe…she was so close I could feel her breath on me. Usually I found it so comforting but right now, I felt suppressed, as if been held down. I felt scared – not of Catherine herself but of whom she was looking at, scared of me!

"I'm fine" I mumble – _oh real convincing_, I didn't expect her to leave it at that anyway.

"Look at you…your not fine" She sighed, she moved her hand to my face. I was too embarrassed to look up at her.

"Who told you?" my voice was low; too low as her fingers traced the side where I could already feel bruise.

"Grissom, he's worried. They all are" She explained softly, she protectively placed a hand on my waist – I don't think I knew what she was doing, she forgot I'm CSI though. We've been going out for a little over a month and a half and when she did this she was looking for answers but not directly asking – so she's not pressuring me.

"I'm fine" I explain, trying harder this time to make her believe it.

"You're not, your shaking…talk to me Sar" I closed my eyes, I tried to stop the shaking that I knew was running from my hand up my arm. I couldn't help it. This isn't how it was meant to be – I was supposed to be able to hold my own…not like this. Why couldn't she just leave me? Let me deal with it.

"Tell me what happened out there?" She wanted, she needed to know. I could tell that much.

"What they haven't already?" I asked a little cold – even I'll admit it.

Catherine became a little harsher, "They came into my lab, told me you were attacked…I didn't stop to get the details. I got up and came straight to you" I could tell she was pissed at the way I was acting but, this is how I dealt with things. Kept them locked up inside… the truth was I was having trouble dealing with this myself.

"We went to question the guy, things were going okay until…he…" Damn it, I can't tell her. Mostly because I don't want to worry her – that's all this will do. I look directly into the loving eyes that I know will be hurting if I push her away or hold back. "…he jumped me…he got to me before Brass got to him. I just took a beating...then he pulled a gun. The butt hit my face…" I looked up at her, it was as if she was waiting for me to say more, there was nothing more though – "That's all" I tell her.

"That's all? Sara…" She was pissed and caring all at once if it was possible.

"What" I shot back. "Don't Sara me…?"

"Why are you been like this…he could have killed you? I just got you Sara…I'm not losing you now" Catherine shouted at me, like I was the one who cause this. It wasn't me…I didn't do this shit to myself. I shook my head in disbelief and looked to my feet – I moved her hand from my waist and her hand from my face – she took a step back and looked at me. All I could see was hurt – and it was killing me knowing I caused that look - "Don't you understand…" She asked me if I understood. It was the only god damn thing I have been thinking off – damn it, I understood more than she knew.

"No I don't" I shouted. Stepping forward I threw the towels in the bin and then looked her dead in the eyes, "I don't understand how this ended up been a you and me thing"

"What?" Catherine growled in frustration, "You don't see how a gun been held to your head is a you and me thing. Let me break this down for you Sar…without a you…there is no us! You get me…and I don't want that"

"And I do?" seeing her like this pissed me off, I wasn't angry at her – I felt exactly like that – I was angry at the guy who did this. "Just…I can't do this…"

"I can't talk to you when you're like this…" She shouted, "Hell, I can't ever talk to you"

"Talk to me? Stop treating me like I'm a kid. God damn it…" I was taking this all out on her and it wasn't fair. But I couldn't help it. Our voices had now risen to a shout – I wouldn't be surprised if the lab could hear us now.

"Why are you doing this to me? Why are you pushing me away?" She asked. I didn't know how to answer that. I knew what the answer was…just not how to say it.

"Why are you acting like I left here, setting out to get shot?" I asked, now calm.

"I'm not saying that…"

"It's the job C, don't you get that…I can't control what someone does to me out there. And you can't take it out on me" Surprisingly anger had deflated between us – as I just looked at the woman that I loved.

"I'm worried about you"

"Don't be" I shot back. Man, I hate my self right now – why was I hurting her?

"Your reckless, you know that. You are out of control. Your not invincible Sara… believe it or not you can end up like all the victims we see. You _can_ end up on the slab." Her voice was filled with anger I knew I was partly responsible for.

"You think I don't know that?" My hand was shaking and I could do nothing to stop it. "Hell, that's all I can think of – every time I walk through these doors into the lab, every time I'm at a scene – every god damn time I close my eyes. Don't you see why I don't want to talk about this? DON'T YOU?" My voice was filled with so much anger, I'd never shouted at her like this. She was now stood a little closer again – she hadn't ever seen this side of me, she actually looked a little shocked. "I'm terrified…" I explained with my tone lower, "I'm…" my voice cracked as I looked away to the floor.

Then I felt her hand on mine, trying to stop it from shaking, "Your what?" she asked

I was trying to stop from crying, hell the tears burned my eyes but still I refused. "Sar – Hun look…please talk"

"Don't you see how hard this is for me…I deal by keeping it locked away. I can't just change" I looked to where her hand held mine; I knew that she wasn't going to leave this. "I'm used to been on my own. Cath, I don't do this well?" I was pleading with her,

"What? What is it that we are doing?" she asked me,

"We are ripping into me, you want me to talk and I don't do talking…not about my feelings" I stopped, and then locked eyes with hers. "I know you want me to talk but…I can't. I need time. Catherine, I've never had anyone who gave a shit before, I don't know how to do this. Please let me sort it out – and I'll come to you when I'm ready."

"When will that be? After the next mad man attacks you? After you're put in hospital? When?" She was holding onto my hand like if she'd let go she'd lose me – if she let go I know I may lose myself but, I needed space. Space to fix it all out in my head.

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Hell I'd gotten my space – I drove far out into the desert off the strip – must have been for at least an hour before I pulled the Tahoe to the side and just sat. My mind was running over the case, about what happened there with Brass and then most importantly my relationship with Catherine. I had never cried like this – not in a long time and truthfully I have no idea what pushed me over the edge. It just felt as though my chest burned, what the hell was going on?

Now, it was eleven in the morning, as I drove back into the city the only thing that was running through my head was how close I got - too close to losing everything last night. I was on auto pilot …

Knocking on the front door I waited for it to be opened. She was probably asleep now – having only gotten home from shift a few hours ago. When it got pulled open I could tell she'd been crying –

"Sorry…if I…woke you" I offered softly as I lent on the door frame.

"You didn't…I couldn't sleep…" She blurted out straight to the point, I just looked to the floor – "I've called you…about six times"

I nodded my head, "I know…"

"You know…I've sat wondering what the hell was going on, where you where. If you were okay, I fucking convinced myself something had happened to you. Why didn't you answer?"

"Can we not do this out here?" I asked, realizing that the neighbors were starting to watch. She just turned and walked back into the house. Taking a deep breath I followed, shutting the door and walked through to where she was stood in the living room. Looking at me, arms crossed "How far are you going to push me away Sara, you can only push a person so far"

I don't answer her question, I'm just looking into her eyes until I realize I have to talk "Where's Lindsay?" I asked, not wanting to do this with her around.

"My sisters, I asked her to look after her for a little while" Catherine explained, "I didn't want her to be here when we did this"

"Did what?" I asked, wanting to know just what it was Catherine was thinking.

"Sorted this out…the balls in your court Sara, Do you want to end the relationship?"

I was shocked, "what?"

"You hared me…do you want it to end. Is that why you're pushing me away."

"No…" I tell her straight, I stand in front of her wishing none of this was happening "This is the only thing that I've got in my life worth holding onto. You're what I wake up for…I love you" I explain wanting her to see that. I hared her breath a sigh of relief, but I had to ask. "IS that what you want? I mean…I understand if it is because I'm…"

"No…Sara, all I want is for you to open up to me. Not to push me away." She explained.

"I'm…" I stopped, turning my back I looked behind me, before looking back at her, "I'm sorry… that I left last night." Looking into her eyes I knew she wanted me to continue, she wanted an explanation. Reluctantly I begin and my voice sounds weak even to my own ears "I'm just so scared; I'm so messed up right now. Don't you see that?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah, I do. I see that and I want to help you Sar" she was becoming less angered now, as she stepped forward towards me.

"I just had to sort it out up here…up in my own head" I explained

"SO, you ready to talk now?"

I shrugged, "As ready as I'll ever be…" I explain, "Look, last night when he jumped me I wasn't scared of dieing I'll admit that. And I know that it kills you because I'm so careless or reckless or what ever you want to call it – but last night I realized something – that I may never have seen you again. If Brass never pulled his gun in time, if he was just a second later- I'd never have been able to hold you in my arms, or love anymore. I was so scared. It was easier for me to push you away…distance myself from my fear. I love you…that's all there is to it. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone." I don't know if it's making sense, it's just all coming out of my mouth un controllably – my hands shaking again and the tears trail slowly down my cheek – defiantly - as I do my best to hold them back. I look up and lock eyes with her as she takes my hand to quieting me. I do shut up with the rambling and just look at her.

"I…" She stuttered, "I love you Sara…and I'll always love you" I nodded softly as I lent forward and shared a deep, long passionate kiss. When we pulled back for the much needed air she continued as she rested her forehead on mine – "I can't do this without you anymore Sara…you mean too much to me. If anything ever happens to you…"

I stop her by moving my hand to her waist, "I promise, after last night … it's going to change. My attitude when I'm at work. Before I didn't have anyone to hurt if I was killed or…you know. But now…I've got you. And, I'm not going to leave you. As long as you want me around…I'll be here."

Catherine buried her head in my neck, and pushed her fingers into my hair "I'll always want you here. You got that? Always"

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_**well that's number 3 - I know it's a little longer than the others, just another way that Sara struggles to deal with having somone else to look out for her. Thankyou all so much for the review. Some Catherine POVs soon - promise. thankyou.**_

_**BTW if any of you have and little situations you'd like to see between C and S just post them in a review and i'll see what i can do or send me a PM. **_


	4. Darkness

**Darkness**

**Pairing: **Sara/Catherine** (slash) **don't like don't read  
**Rating:** PG 13  
**Spoilers:** None  
**P.O.V:** the teams

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**_She hared the heart wrenching pleas from the youngest CSI over the radio, they all had.  
Catherine was sat in the break room when it came through, the words that each feared to hear, 'CSI down" this wasn't just any old CSI though, Greg's voice, panicked and distorted. "This is CSI Sanders - CSI Sidle has been shot…we need paramedics"_**

That was a little over an hour ago, and now here she was sat in the small room of the hospital. They had been shown to a relative's room where it was just the CSI and police force waiting for news. It was funny in a sad kid of way; they were relatives, not through blood but they were the only family that she ever had. Catherine looked up to where Greg, blood soaked and shaking sat in the chair furthest away from them all – unable to comprehend what had just happened. She wanted so bad to go over and comfort him but she couldn't even comfort herself right now. She was finding it hard to draw in breath. So she just lent forward resting her elbows on her knees she placed her face in her hands. Remembering the last time she'd seen Sara…

**"_Try and catch you for a coffee later" Sara stood from the sofa where the two of them were sat in the break room letting go of Catherine's hand before offering her a soft kiss._**

**"_Will do… don't be too mean to Greg" Catherine smiled as she gazed admiringly into the brown pools that were Sara's eyes._**

**"_You know me" The younger, brunette offered with a trade mark, gapped tooth smile._**

**"_Hey…Sidle, stop groping and lets get going" Greg's voice shot into the break room from the door. He was smiling his Sanders smile that neither female CSI's could stay angry with. _**

**"_Alright…I'm coming" She shot, then looked back to Catherine, "don't miss me too much" She joked. Before turning and walking out of the door. The blond looked after the two of them as they made their way down the corridor obviously having another banter filled argument. Greg was her best friend… it's what they did._**

He was sat thinking about just what had happened, just how he found himself sat in the waiting room with the looming possibility that he'd never again be able to tease Sara, to make her laugh. To piss her off to no end, or get her to go see some stupid movie with him – he may never see his best friend again. And he blamed himself. It should have been him lay in there…not her. It wasn't right. His hands were shaking, he hadn't been able to keep them still ever since the incident – and he could feel his shirt stick to his skin from the blood. The blood was everywhere – how did it end up like this? It wasn't the plan. They were supposed to get in, process the scene and then sneak off for a quick coffee…she was suppose to buy him that chocolate cake, And he was supposed to get her some real fancy coffee off the menu that only he understood – then head back to the crime lab before anyone noticed the had gone AWL.

**"_You know one of these days they are going to catch on" She smirked from where she was in the driver's seat of her Denali. "I mean, the past three Scenes we've gone missing for an extra 20 minuets."_**

**"_For a bunch of CSI's they are clueless" Greg explained with a smile, "Lucky for us huh?"_**

**"_Yeah" Sara agreed. "Lucky for us" She took a tight corner and then made her way towards the address – "You know what…I have a good feeling tonight."_**

**"_Is that right?" Greg asked, "What you think you're going to be getting some!"_**

**_She looked over slapping him, "Hey…" She shot._**

**"_What…just a question…and between you and me, if Cath isn't up for it…I am"_**

**"_Greg" She growled, "I swear to god…you lucky I even let you near me"_**

**"_You can't resist me…it's only a matter of time before you give into you desire."_**

**"_True, but my desire doesn't involve me and you in a bed." she explained_**

**"_What is it then?" He asked quizzically._**

**"_It's to watch you say that to me in front of Catherine…"She laughed._**

**"_Are you giving me permission to piss your Girlfriend off?"_**

"What the hell is keeping them" Greg finally lost it, the images of himself and Sara too much. He stood up form the chair and threw his coffee across the room.

"Hey…Greg-o" Nick stepped forward, "Come on… she's going to be okay. She's a fighter" he didn't sound convinced, nick sounded just as broken as they all looked.

"You didn't see her" Greg shot, "What that bastard did" this was anger than none had seen before. Greg was the goofy, ex lab rat that played his music too loud and wore his thoughts on his sleeve. "I should be in there…"

"Don't man…this isn't your fault" Warrick stepped forward now taking Greg's arm and forcing the youngest to listen, "Sara doesn't need to hear shit like that…you got it. None of us do. We don't blame you…none of us"

"Well you should… I do. She saved me…" he explained. Nick just walked forward and pulled Greg into him looking at the rest of the team over his shoulder - Grissom was stood near the window looking out into the night sky. Warrick turned and slowly walked over to Catherine taking a seat and wrapping his arms around the woman who needed the support – and he stood there feeling helpless – trying to do his best to comfort the young CSI.

**"_Sar…you're never alone"_**

**"_Then why does it feel like it?" She asked him as she cried. That scared him, Sara Sidle, THE Sara Sidle never cried. _**

**"_Hey…All y'all need to do is pick up the phone. I'm right on the other end of the line. I can be around yours in like ten minuets if you need me." He comforted._**

**"_You don't need Crazy Sidle calling every time she wakes up from a nightmare or has a bad day." Sara explained to nick knowing that he was there for her was the best thing she'd hared all day. Knowing someone was there for her was the best thing ever._**

**"_Hey, I wouldn't have it any other way." He reached over the table where the two were sat and took her hand – "I'm here Sara…your like a sister to me…and I'll be there when ever you need me. Got it?"_**

**_She smiled, softly with her teary eyes looking into his -"Yeah, I got it"_**

She needed him now, maybe more than ever. So why was he sat in the room and not with her? He hated the guy who did this, he hated the bastard who'd hurt Sara. Their Sara! Who ever it was would pay.

Warrick was holding Catherine as close as possible, knowing she needed the strength – as he did, the only thing that ran through him mind was the conversation he'd had with Sara, not long ago – Sara had asked him to look after her girl, 'be there for her' she had told him. He had promised her would.

Gil stood in the corner, he was socially inept at the best of times but right now – he couldn't even bring him self to look at any of them. He was their supervisor, he should be able to offer them some comfort or reassurance but couldn't. Mostly because there was nothing he could say to make this better. He blamed himself; it was he who brought Sara to Las Vegas…after all.

The door opened and the doctor stood there…looking at the family, Sara's family – Catherine, her lover. Gil, he'd become her father over the past few years. Nick, Warrick and Greg all her caring brothers, who loved nothing more than to piss her off. – Little did they know that today, they had lost their family, it had been pulled apart.

No longer would Catherine get to Love

No longer would Gil get to guide

And no longer would the three guys get to tease the youngest female of the nightshift CSI's … never again would they piss Sara Sidle off because….

With a shake of the doctors head and the look on his face it was all that the team needed to know that Sara was gone. Each broke down into each other's arms.

Everything went black in this moment…Sara was the light that went out, leaving the team in darkness.

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_**thanks for reading guys **_


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